Clara and the Snogbox
by Zen Shoshi
Summary: My attempt to explain why the TARDIS dislikes Clara. One-shot


"...and while the law has many penalties for the atrocities we inflict on others, there are no punishments for the terrors that we inflict on ourselves. So you send your men. They won't find themselves a fight. They'll only find an old man. An old man tired, but satisfied he did his duty. An old man weary from a mind more filled with memory than it is with hope. ~ " Dr. Leonard Church

* * *

I'm born, I live, I die. And always, there's the Doctor. Always, I'm running to save the Doctor, again, and again, and again. And he hardly ever hears me. But I've always been there.  
Always falling, never stopping, splintering into thousands upon thousands of copies all along the way while following back along the path from Gallifrey. Living and dying all at once, so many lives lived from birth to death, but still not enough. Fragments pushed into other's lives, subtle changes to the timelines, or a person's actions to counter the other / the enemy / the invader. Things will be confusing, are confusing, were confusing.  
As the path to Gallifrey begins to close she will see, sees, saw the doctor choosing another. She will hate, hates, hated that snogbox when she was still linear but now she knows. She can't become a Time Lord, looking into the Untempered Schism would bring all her lives memories back into such a body. The drumbeats of the insane one were nothing to seeing hundreds of the lives she had yet to live, all living and dying to save him. In fact she will know, knows, knew that because she had tried it before. Feeling all those deaths caused her to regenerate, the only time anyone ever regenerated in the presence of the Schism, leaving a madwoman who couldn't handle the information but because of the truth of her predictions will become, become, became The Visionary the council used so heavily during the time war.  
It shouldn't surprise her how much the snogbox will hate, hates, hated her. The timelines are closing around her as the doctor is dying, recovering, and entering his own timeline all at the same time from her perspective. She will know, knows, knew time was short but still she had to finish before she left the time-stream.

This body is unlike the other lives. She has a family, so many sisters, but still she feels alone. Her mother still dies when she is young, and her sisters leave her alone. Her other mother who is her father takes care of her as she grows into what she will know, knows, knew she would become. This intervention during her growth is the only reason she isn't scrapped, instead put into the repair shop's 'museum'.  
She has never been one to play by the rules, and as she sees him looking at that cow next to her who always gloats about how well her guidance system works. She knows she has to act now. Sure it's cheating to use technology she hasn't been fitted with yet, but still the Voice Visual Interface serves it's purpose.

"Doctor?" she asks. The hologram doesn't betray her emotions as she watches him jump at her appearance, ignoring the fact that she came from nowhere due to his fear of being caught.  
"Yes, what is it? What do you want?" The first one asks. She hopes he doesn't look close enough to see through the hologram, but maybe he hasn't learned that trick yet. In fact she knows he hasn't yet. She will, has taken him to several places before he will decide, decides to practice the skill.  
"Sorry. But you're about to make a very big mistake. Don't steal that one." Her hologram leans against her body. "steal this one, the navigation system's knackered, but you'll have much more fun."

As she watches him enter her door she knows that she's captured her thief. Her heart, which is much different then the one she had as a human flutters as she feels his hand first touch her console.  
"This ship is the most beautiful thing I've seen in all my years." he says, and I feel Susan's opinion on that matter, sending a calming feeling to the girl, and a cold breeze from her direction towards this First One.  
"I meant no offense Susan" he says with a small smile.  
The girl smiles. "I understand grandfather, this ship is very lovely."  
I know now as I see time returning to normal. I choose to change my gaze and skip ahead back to my own time for now, that I may not be the original, but I'm still the one who captured his heart first. I do so love when he will call, calls, called me sexy.  
I suppose now I'll have to start being nicer to myself as he brings the original me back from his time-stream. I find myself saddened that she has no memories of her other lifetimes. But I still can't help but feel something as I hear her mutter in her sleep  
"I'll always remember when the TARDIS was me."

* * *

AN: Just a silly one-shot involving one idea why the TARDIS pranks Clara that came to mind after stumbling across the Clara and the TARDIS minisode.


End file.
